he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
