apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
