We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
