Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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