Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
