You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
