i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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