I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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