he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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