just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
