omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
