His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There's always time for handjobs
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
