it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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