ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
