Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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