I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just threw up on my dentist
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
