Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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