I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
