As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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