Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sext me about skeletons
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
