After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
