so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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