she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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