i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
