im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
