can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
