I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
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