I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
