i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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