somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
