I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
