He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
