id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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