Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize