Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It was confusing and full of hummus
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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