dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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