How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
