So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
