The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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