He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
