Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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