yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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