once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
