i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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