Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
