So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
