I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's Friday. Sex?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
