pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
