my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Couch. On fire.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
