He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
