mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
