Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I am one with the molecules
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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