they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
