Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
