Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
