i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
