She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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