Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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