It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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