you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
