im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize