Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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