so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
