I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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