Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
