Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Randomize
