I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
