I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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