I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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