It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
